We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize