i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
