Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
