Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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