I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
