Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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