"it" just moved
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
