grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When did angry sex become our thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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