I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
