She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
