Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am naked and annoyed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
