Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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