He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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