Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
