history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
