omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
