Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
