I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
