Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize