im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
