my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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