My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
