i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
