I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
