I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
