I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
