OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
