My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
