yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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