She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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