they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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