Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize