An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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