"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize