you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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