DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize