WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
