Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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