Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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