girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I will be naked everywhere
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
