She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize