My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
