well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
