so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
