So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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