I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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