You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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