Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
