glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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