I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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