Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
