so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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