Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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