Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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