im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Houston, we have a blender
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
