Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
