Betty ford says i'm here all night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
