I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize