Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
