Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
