Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
